Should I Tell My Friend Her Boyfriend Is Cheating?

Caught In The Middle - My Friend's Boyfriend Is Cheating On Her

You find out that your best friend's boyfriend is cheating on her with somebody else. Now there is a dilemma, do you tell her or do you stay quiet?

Staying Quiet

Staying quiet might seem like the path of least resistance, because nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news. So when do you stay quiet about a situation like this?

Here is the thing...there is no right or wrong answer to this question.That's right, no right or wrong because it is up to you. You have to live with the consequences of whatever you do, so you have to think about how it will affect you and affect the ones around you before running off to your friend.

So, why would you stay quiet?

You have no proof. Hearsay is not proof, so for example if you heard from a friend of a friend that your friend's boyfriend is cheating on her that is not proof! Running to your friend would only cause drama when there may not even be a problem. Second hand information is never to be trusted!

You don't want to rock the boat. Face it, the messenger always end up taking the brunt of the anger, so if you do not want to be the bearer of bad news then stay quiet, but make sure that you feel it is the right thing to do.

Speaking Up

Should you speak up? If it was your boyfriend cheating on you and your friend found out, would you want them to tell you? If the answer is yes, then you know what you should do but where to begin?

Is there proof? You cannot simply take somebody's word for this; gossip is something that should never be acted upon. If you have seen it with your own eyes and you have a very solid relationship with your friend, which should be good enough.

If you spot the cheater out in public, snap a quick picture. Try to get some sort of tangible proof that you can show your friend. A picture is worth a thousand words!

Who do you talk to first? Now here is where it can get tricky. Your first instinct will be to run to your friend and tell her what you know. However, you should confront her cheating partner first!

That's right, go to him and calmly tell him that you know he is cheating on your friend. Show him the proof if you have it or tell him exactly when and where you saw him and with whom. Give him the chance to tell your friend first. Tell him that if he does not tell your friend, you will!

Do not discuss this with anybody else! The quickest way to kill a friendship is to tell everybody but your friend that her partner is cheating! When the time comes to talk to your friend, calmly talk to her, privately! This is not a discussion that should be made in public or in front of others!

Tell her what you know about her boyfriend cheating on her, and that you have proof. If she asks to see the proof, show it to her. Do not beat about the bush or hint about what you know, just say it.

What about if you are friends with both parties, what do you do at this point?

A further (but surprisingly common) complication that makes the scenario even worse, is when you happen to know both parties, especially if you are good friends with both! This is a sticky situation because it may seem like you are inevitably taking sides, regardless of what you do.

Should you just stay out of it? If you stay quiet, it can feel like you're betraying someone. If your female friend finds out that you knew and did not tell her, she will think that you were protecting the other friend, the cheater. But if you speak up, you feel like you're betraying your male friend. So what do you do?

What a nightmare! However, the same tips from above still apply. First of all, gossip does not count and you should have proof.

Privately speak to the party who is cheating first. Tell him that you know and give him the chance to tell his partner.

Remain neutral! If you want to stay friends with both parties, stay neutral and do not take sides! Listen to your friends when they want to talk about it, but avoid taking sides or that will result in hurt feelings on the other person's part.

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