My Boyfriend Cheated On Me, Now What?

When you make the terrible discovery that your boyfriend has been cheating on you, a million thoughts and emotions race through your mind and body: "Why did he betray me? Why me? Is it my fault? I loved him, why did he do this to me?" You feel pain, anger, and humiliation. You close your eyes and see images of him with another, and you may feel extremely lonely, trapped, or even hopeless.

But you don't need to feel this way! Our goal is to help you organize your thoughts on the matter, and help you find answers to your questions.

First Things First

A common first reaction is to blame yourself. "What was wrong with me? Why didn't he love me?". This manner of thinking is futile and self-destructive, as men cheat for many reasons, and more likely than not it has nothing to do with you at all, especially if he has a history of cheating on his previous lovers as well.

You need to understand that you are still as valuable as always, and that you still have yourself, and always will. Another person in your life is always a bonus, but it is never absolutely essential for you to be happy. On the contrary, you are the only one who can fundamentally bring yourself happiness. Therefore, while it is normal to grieve and feel an emptiness when you are betrayed in love, at some point you must understand that you don't need to depend on another to feel fulfilled.

Picking Up The Pieces

There is no rush, but at some point there are a few decisions you may want to make, which we have discussed in our other articles:

Grief Process

Anybody experiencing a significant emotional event will undergo a grief process. The most commonly referenced description for the grief process is the K├╝bler-Ross model (Wikipedia link), which describes 5 stages of grief as "Denial", "Anger", "Bargaining", "Depression", and "Acceptance". Whichever stage you may be in, you should know that what you are experiencing is a normal part of grieving, and that you must let it pass.

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