How To Confront A Cheating Boyfriend

Confronting a cheating boyfriend isn't easy. You've probably rehearsed the scene dozens of times in your mind. You're going to be strong, you believe. You know exactly what you're going to say and probably think you know how he's going to react. But the fact is, infidelity creates a lot of emotional conflict on both sides of the betrayal and this leads to unpredictable behavior. So if you know or strongly suspect he is cheating, how do you confront him?

1. You need to be sure. Accusing him outright without evidence will make you come across as jealous and possessive. Analyze the facts; try to separate what you suspect from what is actually true. You might even discuss what you know with a friend to see if she draws the same conclusion. Better yet, discuss it with a male friend. Getting a guy's thoughts will give you another perspective of you man's behavior. Guys can be moody and withdrawn sometimes about things that have nothing to do with your relationship and you MAY be misconstruing his behavior.

2. Don't feel guilty about how you found out. No amount of spying and 'investigating' will equalize what he might be doing to you. If the cheating is confirmed later on and he angrily accuses you of violating his privacy, you can honestly say you were glad you did or you'd still be clueless about his unfaithfulness.

3. It’s now time to talk to him. Keep your emotions in check. Speak calmly but confidently. This is not the time to lash out at him because he'll already be defensive and an aggressive confrontation will only elevate that. Pay close attention to his mannerisms and body language during this discussion. You'll know if he's lying based on the evidence you have, whether he looks you in the eye, and how defensive he gets. (See our article on How to Detect Lying for more on this.) Present your evidence and put the ball in his court.

4. Finally, be prepared for him to deny it, especially if he is still invested in your relationship. This is natural and, quite honestly, you would deny it if you were in his position, too. This will pass quickly, though, when he understands the evidence.

Remember, all cheating is not equal. While it's never OK, there are some many different emotional motivations for it. Try to understand where he's coming from. This doesn't mean you have to forgive and forget but it may save you some mental anguish later on. Sometimes when they say "it isn't you, it's me," they are speaking the truth.

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