I Found My Boyfriend's Profile On An Online Dating Website!

One of your friends shows you an online dating profile and it contains a picture of your boyfriend. It's sad, we know, and unfortunately it happens surprisingly often. In fact, studies show that up to 35% of men on dating websites are already in committed relationships or even married(!)

However, before you completly cut him off, there are a few things you might want to consider:

Find out the full details of the situation

Before you leap to conclusions that he's actively meeting other women, you should find out what's really going on. Here are some questions you might want to ask:

  • Did he really create the profile?

    A great number of online dating profiles are fake. Scammers, spammers, and various other shady users run amok on these websites. Very often they download pictures that they find on social media, and use them to create fake profiles. Before you assume that your boyfriend is cheating, ensure that the profile does actually belong to him.

  • Is he active on the site?

    It can be the case that he simply had a profile from a long time ago that he has forgotten to remove, and that he hasn't logged in to the website since he met you.

Why is he on the dating site?

OK, so at this point let's say you've determined the profile does belong to him, and that he is active on the dating website.

While he certainly has something to answer for, it does not necessarily mean that he is actually seeing other women. There is a considerable distance between trying to talk to a woman online and actually sleeping with her. Many men talk and flirt with women, but their conscience will not allow them to take it beyond a certain limit.

Of course, there is something seriously wrong if he's doing it secretly and keeping it from you. You should find out why he is doing this.

It might be worth considering that online dating is extremely addictive. Most men aren't very successful at online dating, which makes it more frustrating and addictive. Studies show that people often resort to impulsive online dating when they are are depressed. The average guy can send 100 emails on a dating site and get 0 replies, which is crushing to a man's self esteem (hence why it becomes addictive: they want to keep trying until they get a reply). After a while, it becomes a crazy obsessive game just to get a reply, and it may reach a point where the urge to get responses becomes the main focus, overshadowing any real interest in the women on the site.

If you find out what's going on, and you can forgive him for going behind your back, you may find that he has serious problems or insecurities that he's trying to fill with online attention. In this case, you may choose to help and support him. Of course, there is also the possibility that he simply doesn't care about your relationship and just wants to see other women, in which case it may be best to end the relationship.

(See also our articles Is My Boyfriend Cheating? and How To Deal With A Cheating Boyfriend.)

comments powered by Disqus